This is probably one of the hardest obstacles we face in our life. We are wired to seek solitude and not interract with others, after all we are introverts at heart! So in order to function in the real world, not the one’s we love to create in our mind we must overcome this fear. I don’t have all of the answers I can only tell you how I do my best to handle these situations and believe me it doesn’t always work and I sometimes still shrink away from communicating with others.
One of our innate abilities is to see the world in a different light from others. This applies to the physical world and the human psyche.
I’m going to deal with the human aspect since this is what can drive how our day is going to play out. We do our damnedst not to let these situations dig into us but hey we are only human and stuff gets to us.
Handling different situations.
Walking into a gathering wheather it be a business or social one, unless we already know everyone there it’s going to be awkward as hell! Here is the way I handle it.
I try my best to leave all of my preconcieved ideas of the people I am meeting at the door, I don’t want anything clouding my judgement, plus I’m already petrified so I don’t need extra baggage.
Reading the room.
The second I step through the doorway, other than getting out of the way so others can enter I close my eyes and LISTEN! I myself have an uncanny way of listeng and picking up on most of the conversations happening all at once, okay almost a sensory overload. I close my eyes and just let my mind take in all of the sounds around me for a few seconds, if you stand there too long you look kind of weird. Clear your mind and take in the tones and bits and pieces that fill your eardrums. You are going to pick out certain inflections of peoples those trying to support their position on subjects they are talking about, those who are tying to force their opinions on others and those who just don’t give a shit and keep going “UH HUGH, UH HUGH” oblivious to what is being said. Start making mental notes on each persons voice and where they fit into the above catagories. You can do it but it takes practice!
Step two, you can open your eyes now. Look around the room and you will actually be able to associate each of the conversations you jst heard with an actual idividual. It’s now up to you how you are feeling at this moment. Do you want to be quiet, like we are most of the time not wanting to ruffle feathers? Do you feel comfortable engaging in actual constructive conversation? Or do you feel pissed and wanting to take on the world at the moment?
Now you can divide and conquer!
So how to use your new found knowledge! You know already who the BS’ers are, trying to not use too many cuss words. If you feel like a challenge and want to bring someone down a notch go for those trying to force their opinions on the other person. Honestly, heres the funny part, even if you have the simplest of knowledge about the subject you can litterly bullshit the bullshitter and have a little fun doing it. Don’t forget what I said in the code of ethics never use your gift to call them out as a jerk you can do it by throwing so much mundane knowledge at them they won’t even realize that you are putting them down, sometimes they will and get pissed but usually they will just walk away beause they know they can’t get anything over on you. Okay now don’t gloat, well maybe a little.
Okay now if you are feeiling the first or second way at this gathering you have a lot of choices. If you hear some constructive conversations happening go and stand by those people, they may choose to actively have you ingage with them or not, don’t break into the conversation uninvited! Many time you can listen to them without joining the conversation and learn something new to add to your storehouse of knowledge. If invited then easy into the topic don’t come off with the most advanced level of answer but judge where they are in the conversation and feed into what they are saying.
Here is the hardest lesson an INFJ must learn about conversations with others. The majority of people out there are EGO driven, including us to a point so you must tailor your talks to their level. It’s a tossup as to weather they need their ego’s boosted or stroked, the BS’ers don’t even waste your time with.
If they need to be stroked you must get them to feel that it was their idea and you are just supporting it once you have them onboard you can work in your prersonal ideas about a subject.
If they need to be boosted, someone who may have low esteem or wishy washy on what they believe get them to engage at the lowest level possible this shows them you are genuinely interested in having a conversation with them and you can pull them out of your shell. After all is’t one of our prime directives helping others to overcome an obstacle?
So depending on how are day has gone we can fall into both catagories but it’s not our Ego we need working on it’s our Confidence level.
You already know you are capable of just about anything you set your mind to. Take this opportunity to grow and not look at it as a social ingagement but as a pet science project, you are doing nothing but data gathering and we are pretty Effing good at that.
Go for it and leave a comment if you wish.